Thursday, April 26, 2007


"Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me"

Talking is a funny thing.
I do it a lot, but most of the time I don't really want to. I am talking, and thinking "what am I saying? Why am I saying this?" I think it is because what I really want is for people to talk to me, and I try to get them to by talking first. It's kind of a nervous thing I think. Quiet people make me so nervous, because I will just talk, waiting for the other person to say something, rather than have silence. So I say things, stupid things, repetitive things...
Word Vomit

"So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Do something that's never been done"

My favorite thing is when people tell me what is on their mind, what is going on in their lives. Feeling trusted, feeling like I am needed, feeling like there is a balance in a is amazing.

My problem is that I try to be everyone's best friend. I just love to get into people's lives. I love to make people happy, I love to help people, I love to be a friend. The problem is that sometimes people just will not let you in. I try and try, but sometimes it is just to straining to give and give without getting back anything. There needs to be a balance. Effort from both sides.

"So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alk "

Thank you Adam, for balancing it out.



Remo Da Drummer said...

Glad I could help... I love being a friend too

Nature Barbie said...

I am sorry that I didn't let you in as much as I should have. You are probably the best and truest friend that I have ever had and I didn't want to screw that up. I thought that if I let you in then you would see me as a freak and not want anything to do with me. I am so terrified that people will reject me or get angry that I just curl up in a little ball hoping that everything will work out that way. Instead it distances me more from the people that I love and hurts me so much inside. But I don't want have to go through the same pain that I have had to so I just avoid all of the possibilities. I am really sorry. Everything is going to be different from now on. I want to be more open with people. I feel that I can trust people more than I have. Not everyone is like my mom or the creep there are people out there that I can trust and they will not turn it against me. I am sorry that I didn't see it sooner. I promise from now on I will be more open and seek out people to talk to instead of just curling up in a ball. I love you so much. I can't explain how much you have helped me these last eight months. Thank you.

Cheshire Kat said...

Dude, Barb, chill. That wasn't directed toward you in the slightest way...

Nature Barbie said...

I know it wasn't but that is still something I need to work at. This just helped me realize it.